How to make a mockery of summer mocktails

By JOHN E. BIALAS
Broadmoor Bureau Chief

Sonic Drive-In announced on Monday a new line of summertime mocktail slushes, which are flavorful non-alcoholic beverages for the beach side, the pool side and the driver's side.

The three choices: Strawberry Daiquiri, Pina Colada and Reaper Spicy Margarita.

Now it's time to make a mockery of the Sonic concept with a fake menu of awful drink names that will have you hurling. 

Algae Bloom Bliss: A freshwater concoction that contains two forms of chlorophyll and an ice-cold coat of blue-green scum. Yum.

Toxic Red Tide Hot Toddy: Ocean-based organisms in a frozen mixture of La Croix-like Pamplemousse and Passionfruit sparkling water. Cheers.

Sriracha Hellman's Mayo Smoothie: A creamy and spicy blend of lemon juice, pineapple sauce, chili flakes, black pepper and drizzled sushi rolls. Zing.

Dirty Beach Banana Martini: A fruity virgin rum with sugary sand sprinkles and nests of least tern egg candies. A-peeling. 

DIY Mudsicles and Sludgesicles: The Mississipppi Sound, above, is a rich source of brown sediment that you will enjoy scooping from the bottom of either one of these concoctions.
Here's mud or sludge in your eye,

I found the perfect container for storing any of these liquids, courtesy of Kikkerland Design. 

Go online, pay $25 with free shipping and you can drink like a fish. You just might become a mock lush.

Speaking of a mock lush, I stumbled on not just one but two of them.

Hit them with the waves of icy flaves.