Why Phil Bryant formed Mississippi Space Force

By JOHN E. BIALAS
Broadmoor Bureau Chief

My informed fake news sources have told me why Gov. Phil Bryant formed the Mississippi Army National Guard Space Force, which he announced Monday at Infinity Science Center in Hancock County.

Sources said the primary mission of the Space Force will be a disaster-response strategy to capture the villainous Dark Helmet, the character Rick Moranis played in the 1987 comedy "Spaceballs." Mel Brooks, the genius behind "Spaceballs," will be the director of the Space Force, said a fictitious person who requested false anonymity.

Barf, the lovable half-man and half-dog John Candy played in "Spaceballs," will pilot a John Deere 3D rocket ship to be printed at Stennis Space Center, one fake news source confirmed, and the ship will be used in the quest to hunt down Dark Helmet.

It's believed that Dark Helmet is the mastermind of an evil plot to grow infectious celestial Gulf green algae CBD bloom kale and sell it to Coast casual hipster-wannabe restaurants that would unknowingly serve it in half-roasted vegetable salads with fresh cold-beer cobia vinaigrette dressing or with Hawaiian poke ahi tuna drizzle. Barf indeed.

Brooks, who turned 93 on June 28, might have been reached for comment, and if so, he probably said, "It's not a Force. It's a Farce."